The Morning after

[10:47 pm] YOU: Tirada?

[11:03 pm] ME: Tambay lang...

[12:40 pm] YOU: Wud?

[12:46:02 am] ME: Laag.. Bakit pala?

[12:46:07 am] YOU: Wala lng. msma na b mag ask?

[1:09:27 am] ME: Aw.. Hehe hndi man. Amew

[1:09:55 am] ME: Tama.. Happy vday! hehe

[12:52 am] YOU: Hus wd u?

[1:13 am] ME: Anton and his friends...

[12:56 am] YOU: Cnoh yan?

[1:14 am] ME: C Anton gd.. Ung nkwento ko sau b4...

[1:15 am] YOU: Ah ung nobyo mo?

[1:16 am] ME: Nanliligaw pa lang ui.. Hehe. Kaw, musta kna?

[1:17 am] YOU: Ok lng.. lgaw pa tlga?

[1:19 am] ME: Aw,gud to hear ur ok. yep, ligaw pa.. Bsdes, i won't deny f ever mgka bf na ako.. hehe. kaw jud.

[1:20 am] YOU: Ok. Anjan pa ung iniwan ko sayo? I miss you a lot.

[1:23:36 am] ME: Yep, san pa man pla mapunta un. Aw, un lang pla na miss mo. hehe, amew. bsta andito lang un. Though hnapin ko pa san exactly.

[1:23:38 am] YOU: Anoh b! ndi lang un. kundi ikaw. pero ksama na un sa package. pero ikaw gyud.

[1:26 am] ME: Same here...

[1:27:32 am] YOU: Tlga?

[1:27:57 am] ME: Nasanay mo bya ako na andito ka lag, so xempre eh... hehe

[1:27:59 am] YOU: Lab2x... Hahai... Puntahan kita?

[1:30 am] ME: Hindi Tama... Next time nalang if sure ka na d ka na mawala.. goodnight. hinay drive ha =)

[1:32 am] YOU: Wat u min?

[1:35 am] ME: Hindi na 2 tama kc may gf ka na... and next time na natin ibalik ang dati kung cgurado ka na dli na ka mamiya. Icpn nalang natin na at least we're good friends =)

[1:37 am] YOU: Aok.



For the first time in my "you & i" existence, I did something that is actually right than something that just feels right. For the countless of times that you've been coming and going in and out of my life, I have always wanted to tell you this: "Unya na balik if sure ka na dili na ka muhawa." However, it's either the situation did not suit that much practiced one-liner sentence or I didn't had the courage to utter it yet, coz the urge to be with you again even just for a split of a second was stronger. Since I stayed away from you, I thank God for giving me the strength and ask him to give me a chance to prove to myself that I can be stronger than I think. God has given me two or three of this chances already, but I always fail them until just minutes after Valentine's day.

The whole night while I was having fun with my friends, I still couldn't resist looking from one corner to another hoping that I could see you around - to no avail. And when you sent me the text, I admit that I felt happy coz at least you thought of me too. I know not replying at all was the best thing I could have done, but I'm not strong enough for that yet (replying to you in the most coherent and logical way possible was a brainer). The moment you told me you missed me, God knows how I wanted to just run to where ever you were and hug you really tight and tell you how much I miss you more, but guess my senses were at my side then; I chose to do the right thing,finally.

I remembered Din2x telling me that doing the right thing will eventually make a person happy, even if it will hurt for a little while. I feel happy that I have finally come to tell him what I should've done a long time ago, but at the same time, it hurts me to know that I am really starting to let him go. Tinuod na gyud diay ni akoa..

This morning when I woke up, I read our text conversation twice or thrice and hurts even more each time. It's not that I don't want to be with him, but it's just not right anymore. I didn't agree to meet him, because I already grew tired of seeing him go. And if I have said yes, I know it would have been the same pattern and I wanted to give myself a break and stop starting from scratch over and over again.

After our text, I'm not sure if you would still text me ever again. I mean, I know you this much to figure that I hit your pride right there and then- Besides, aren't you used to hearing just all yes-es from me? And maybe the thought of this contributes a lot to the throbbing I feel now.


When you already have a girl friend ang sugot ghpon ko magsabay ta, happy kaayo ko right at that very moment but mag regret ko after coz masakitan napud ko. Pero gabii, I was sad kay chance na unta 2 to be with you again but I just decided to make it right pero wala nko regrets after. Fulfilling man pud diay ang feeling to once in a while protect yourself from your kryptonite.

happy harts day

Xander gave me a secret prayer and up until now, I still pray it. Almost every day actually.

At times I wonder: "Are there some things that reminds you of me?" and that silver chain around your right wrist, "Do you think of me and sigh every time you look at that?"

Well, okay... honestly, what I'm really wondering is this: "Do you think of me as much as I think of you?" Coz as BullSh*t as it is, I think of you despite the strong urge not to. And what's more annoying is I don't know why even during at my busiest, this brain of mine still has that itsy bitsy corner for you. I hate it when I involuntarily turn around every time I hear a motorcycle pass by, and I hate it even more every time there's an urge to look back every time I pass by the street that locates your office. Right now, you're the one who makes me weak. I weaken every time I remember the feeling being with you. Being with you wasn't even magical, as a matter of fact, there were more anger and confusion than blissful moments. But I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND why I am still feeling all of these! I know you are happy - it shows looking at the only means I could based on. I too am happy, but I wonder how it feels to stop searching. I always have control over my life and this is something I have not mastered for I have never felt this lost before. I'm sure this isn't just all about you. I know there is something in me I should fix, but still can't since to start with, I don't even know which part of me to fix and how.

Awhile ago at the office, my office mate suddenly asked me if would I still give you a chance in case you come back to me. I was taken aback by the question and was made to think really hard, until I found my answer: "I'll be happy if that happens..for awhile. But, I don't think I can or should take him back anymore. Coz if I do, the more nothing would be left of me. If I take him back, I'm sure I'd still end up being taken for granted because I just assured him too much - once again - that I am just there always available for him. I already had become too much of a convenience for him that I think I deserve gaining my self-respect back."

So do I still wish him miserable? Well, there's another secret prayer for that part.

because

Deafening outside noise, inner silence still triumphant
shut my eyes, saw you at the corner of my mind
this deep malady I must shunt
for what goodness could I get if I do not find?

time clicking so fast, my time getting even slower
this place seems so familiar, I've been here before I'm sure
still dazed with the burning fire
edges I memorize but this isn't something I want to inure

raise me up. bring me to the horizon
running like a child i can no longer do
perhaps some family needs an orphan
with a mess inside she can never undo

countdown

5 more days to go and HELLO DUMZVILLE!!!

I'm so excited to be in Dumaguete! It's been almost a year, the longest that I haven't been to that place. And it's pretty amazing that despite the time gap, my friends and I have still managed to maintain whatever friendship we have.

THINGS I PLAN TO DO WHEN I GET TO DUMZ:

1. Bully my friends =)
2. Walk along Boulevard
3. Visit my Masscom family
4. Get my Good moral certificate
5. Eat sizzling pochero
6. Go to Sandbar
7. Hang out at Sted's
8. Walk around Silliman
9. Escaño
10. Meet with clint
11. Meet with my Geckos
12. Meet with the Zetans
13. Meet with Berna
14. Meet Bambi
15. Iritate Xander, Dok and JN. haha!
16. Take photos
17. Ride a motorcycle
18. Eat at the carenderia! haha
19. ZOmbie!!!!
20. kiss the ground. haha, JOKE.

He reminds me to think about happy thoughts, and write about happy events.


Thank you starpee!




Sometimes you amaze me. haha! boo!

Taking a big leap

One of my closest friends here in Davao will be taking what probably is one of the biggest leap she could ever take in her entire life. Of all people, she is the least person I expected this to happen to. I mean, I always saw her as someone who was under control of everything. Besides, it has always been the barkada's running joke on how ironic that back in high school we were judged by some people as someone who wouldn't be able to finish school, get pregnant right away and get married. However, we managed to prove them wrong. I mean, all of us are very much stable and each one of us is already enjoying a lucrative job. Until, the revelation that she shocked us last Sunday.

My girl friends and I were in the car driving our way to a coffee shop when during stucked in the traffic, our friend handed us a white oblong plastic. It was handed upside down and when one of our friends turned it around, we were left with nothing else to say but, "you're pregnant." No one among us 5 ever thought of the word abortion. Actually, I was proud that every one's first reaction was if our friend is okay and if she would marry her boyfriend.

When we got to the coffee shop, we all lit a cigarette except for that particular friend, of course. I mean, we are used to dealing with heartaches or even saving each others asses, but we never thought we would deal we something as life changing as this. Being pregnant was not the worry of my friend, since like what I said, she is already stable. Instead, she was worried on how to tell her parents.

Just hours ago, I received a text message saying that my friend is telling her parents right that very moment and it would be great if the four of us could go support her. However, since my work does not end until 5:30, I wasn't able to go. After 2-3 hours, I got a text from her saying that she'll be having a civil wedding any time next week, but in Manila (Just to keep things quiet for awhile. I mean, the least thing my friend needs now is the pressure and the judgment that the society could cruelly give).

I feel really hurt by the news, coz I feel that my friend isn't ready for marriage yet. But, I trust her. She always use her brains in times of decisions, and if ever she really decides to marry him, I know that's because she really wants it. er, i really do hope so.

Anyway, I can't wait to be done with work. My friends and I are meeting at the same coffee shop to talk about things. I feel very blessed knowing that my friends and I treasure each others opinions, that ever since high school, we have still managed to be each others retreat.

I know my friend will be taking a huge leap and she knows that too. But no matter how much leaping she will be doing, she really has nothing to worry about because rest assured, we will all be leaping huge with her. uhm, just incase she needs a friendly frog at hand *wink

Miracles do happen!

Friday was a miracle-filled day! Do you believe in miracles?

Well, miracles doesn't always have to literally come from heaven. It can be as simple as getting a free ride home to yeah, maybe seeing an angel go down from above! hehe.. But, nonetheless, Miracles do exist! You just have to look at the bigger picture and appreciate the little wonders of life. Remember, not all that happens to you are bad. Even bad moments would eventually turn into good ones. Everything is just a matter of perspective and of course, Faith. So go on and keep on believing coz in this world where pain is no stranger, hope is the only thing that could keep you going.


Why my Friday was soOoooSooooo Miraculous!


1.) Thanks to my mom, I got back the most important documents of Sta. Lucia that I left in the taxi last Wednesday. (Mom had to go to the radio stations and Tv stations just to try her luck) thanks mom! you are my life saver.

2.) Din2x found us a very cheap ticket to Cebu, plus she lend me a thousand as so I could avail of the round trip tickets.

3.) YM was perfectly fast while Ayi was sending me adobe files, which saved my deadline! loveyou yi!

4.) My boss loved my project! wee!

5.) Totally forgot about Jon's birthday! Good thing Din2x convinced me an 18th flight instead of a 26th!