i love you daddy

I was around seven years old then when I interrupted my dad in a meeting just to ask him for ten pesos. He told me to ask mom instead, but still, I insisted and I guessed dad finally ran out of patience that he shouted at me and reprimanded me to go inside the house. I ended up crying my heart out and feeling bad for not getting what I wanted.

I am now twenty-one years old, and I cannot remember any other instance where daddy raised a voice at me, I cannot remember any other instance where daddy didn’t give me the things he knew he could give, and most of all, I cannot remember any other instance where dad got extremely mad at me.

To me, daddy was everything. He was my provider, my hero, my savior, my friend, and most especially, daddy was my ideal man. I always believed that daddy was the strongest, and it wasn’t until he confessed he had cancer that I realized that daddy too was mortal.

For more than a year, daddy fought the cancer. He called me one night to tell me that the pain was just becoming too much to bear already, and that it’s about time for him to go to the hospital. It was the first time I heard my daddy’s voice sounded so weak, it was the first time I ever heard my dad complain about something, and the most frightening was, it was the first time that daddy didn’t assure me that everything was going to be fine.

I made him promise to be strong, and he said that he’d try and that everything has its end. I didn’t take “I’ll try” for an answer, until finally, I convinced him to say “yes anak.”

Daddy never lied to me. He said “I’ll try,” because he was just being honest. Daddy loves me so much, that he unwillingly lied to me by saying “Yes,” and thinking about it right now, I regret for making him do that.

Daddy was strong, but I knew how much he hated hospitals. I knew how much shivers it gave him every time a needle pinches his body. But, despite all the pains that he went through, it was still me, my mother, and my three other siblings whom he constantly thought about.

The last time I called him, dad was sleeping and all I could hear was snoring, and I believe it was his way of telling me that it was time for him to rest.

Not being with my dad for almost nine years was a struggle, but it was something that I have constantly prepared and planned for. However, not seeing him forever was never a part of it.

To all those people whom daddy treated as family there in the states, thank you. No amount of gratitude will suffice how overwhelmingly thankful our family is to all of you. I know daddy will be my angel, will be our angel.

Daddy, I love you. We love you. I may not understand it now, but I am hanging on to my Faith that tells me that all these have its reasons. I admire you for building a very strong family. A family filled with unconditional love. I am sorry dad for everything, you know how much in love I am with you.

You may be gone physically, but everything you taught me will stay. With this extreme feeling of loss is a promise that I will someday make you proud. I know you are in good hands now. Rest well my daddy, and forever you will be my hero.

To daddy, here's my song for you:

Every little thing

by: Dishwalla

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted