Tuesday, October 13, 2009

For the strongest hearts

When hurt, the first thing that the heart wants is to escape. And I've noticed that a lot of the most successful travelers are the most hurt ones. I believe that the broken heart stays in one place only because they have to, only because they have no choice. However, once given all the control that they've been wanting so badly especially when alone, the broken heart will for sure choose to fly and just be free. Or better yet, just simply be 'unbroken.'

Cowardice, they say? "they" do not have a single idea on what they are talking about. How can a heart that has been broken a lot of times be a coward? the fact that the heart has been broken a lot of times should mean that that heart has given a lot of chances on giving, isn't it? Who is the real coward? The heart who has been hurt a lot and just wants to escape for once? or the heart who has been hurt once and has ever since chose to be alone?

The heart who choose to travel and is successful in doing so and the heart who wants to travel and just can't do it yet know that pain definitely is stronger when it's near. It's even more painful when you know it's there and even how much you want to fight and struggle, there is just nothing else you can do it to reverse it. It's painful when you've finally reached your destination, but it's too late. Fate or death has already taken its toll.

The heart who struggles to escape are the strongest for they are the most quiet ones when hurt. The strongest heart listens to other hearts vent. The strongest heart acts the strongest for the sake of the other hearts that matters to them. Every heart knows the strongest heart is the strongest. However, when it's the strongest heart's time to reach its hand, every heart thinks its okay to hold on reaching out. Besides, isn't that heart the strongest?

well, hello there!

Okay.. I checked my last entry and I can't believe I haven't entered a single blog here for almost 7 months - well, entered a few in Friendster, but still! No wonder a lot has happened in my life, it has been once again almost 7 effin' months! Wow!!!

First of all, I have already been in California for almost 6 months now and still, I am in my adjustment process. I don't know how long I'll be staying here or when I can get to visit the Philippines, at least - though I'm hoping it would be sometime soon. sigh.

6 months in California and my life has changed full 360 degrees! First of all, I've met my fiance Erik and to cut the long story short, we're getting married in Las Vegas next week, and to cut the story even shorter, I am almost 4 months pregnant! Shocked,huh? LOL. I'm not getting married coz I got pregnant, by the way. The idea of getting married came before we found out I'm pregnant.

Then, a lot of broken relationships. I am not in good terms with my brother and his wife and details I don't wanna discuss anymore. And, honestly, I think this is for the best. I have so much sentiments that I don't wanna discuss with them anymore, coz I know for sure that stuborn people are never open for this kinds as they are so stubborn we'll just be in a neverending battle on who is right and who is not. Then, my bestfriend Carra. I feel like she abandoned me, period. I don't know what she feels, but this time, I wanna focus more on what I feel. At least for once, you know?

I'm going through a lot of phases right now. I'm anxious, frustrated and scared. It seems like lately, it is so hard for me to remind myself of the faith that I started with. Or, maybe this is just a challenge for my faith to begin with? sigh. Plus, I feel like I'm mourning for the first time. If daddy was here, he'd know what to do for sure.