I need a pill

Blog it.. Blog it.. BLOG IT...


Blogging it... Blogging it... BLOGGING IT...

Press enter, space, delete and then enter....

400 words..... not enough

maybe 500..... still not enough

Trying 2,000..... hands tired, brain drained......

Time to check the heart now.

Shit. Still the same....

naknang nimal putang tanga

Tell me.

Is it wrong to continue loving you? Am I punishing myself for being here for you still? And am I a fool for not totally letting go? The mind can think of letting go from the one you love, but the heart just can not. It's like an addictive drug that keeps running in my thoughts, in my veins. Sometimes, I admit, I look at her, look at myself, look at her again, and wonder what you see in her that you do not see in me anymore. Was I easier to love when we were still 18 than now that we're 23? Every day I keep myself busy, waking up late and spending as much time as I can with my friends. But this is not easy as it's you whom I think of to sleep and the first thought as I wake up. God knows I am not enjoying this, He knows I'm deeply hurting. Doesn't he have the power to just erase this all away? I've been praying that I'd be able to take you off my mind, off my heart but to no avail. Though I'm keeping the faith.. I'm keeping the faith. Because in this war that I'm fighting alone, it's the only strength left for me.

Last night you were here with me. You know we just couldn't fake it, you know you are happy when you are with me, but why so coward my love? Am I not worth the third try? or maybe I am just being selfish for even asking this. I swear, I did not mean to hurt you then. I was 18 and foolish. Can't you see I'm a grown up now? My Love, I am sorry.

For awhile it was smooth sailing. Not having you around, I mean. However, you just keep on coming back. I resisted until the urge to see you again became stronger than my eagerness to resist. When you thought I was already happy with him, you got scared and that I do not understand. You don't want me anymore and You don't want me with someone else either. Where do you want me to be? Stuck in the middle waiting for you? Pathetic 'coz until now, I still don't understand. Until now I still can't lay all the cards before you as I am scared that these might just push you farther. I know I'm crazy for just waiting. Waiting when you'll have a fight with her, waiting when she's busy and doesn't have time for you, and waiting when missing me is just already becomes too much for you to bear. When you told me how much you are missing me, I swear my knees weaken. I can not stop crying the whole day as it's harder knowing that you still want me than knowing that you don't. I am your convenience, your comfort zone, your solace.

I am missing you my Achilles heel. I'd do anything to have another moment with you.

not again.

Until when are you hurting this brave heart? You're still the same. Each time I try to move farther from you, you always get closer. You win. You sure knows how to make this brave soul frail. All of these are just so painful that crying becomes insufficient already. What do you really want from me? Does hurting me brings you solitude? 'coz if it does, then you are indeed the most peaceful person on earth. Someday, I'll be okay. Someday, this heart of mine will find her way to forget you. Someday, someone I deserve would come my way. However, while that day hasn't come yet, I don't think I have enough choice but to just deal with your bull shit.

My Achilles Heel

My susceptibility

Warmth compatibility

My morning coffee, my midnight cigarette

Something about our stare I could not forget

Doubt nothing my Achilles heel

Risking with bliss moments on top

Hoping and praying this won’t stop

This brave heart scared of the unknown

Aren’t you tired of being alone?

Fear nothing my Achilles heel

If one day you’d find yourself scared

Find in your heart the care we’ve shared

Though this mean world could truly scar

I’d keep you safe even from afar

Love and be loved my Achilles heel

If this world becomes too much

Just recount the warmth of our touch

Close your eyes think of you and me

Together we can both set free

Believe in our solace my Achilles heel

The return of the yellow smiley face

The only difference between me and this smiley is the braces =p


Being happy is a decision and I have decided.
It's about time I start breathing Davao more and just appreciating every little thing this place has to offer
yeah, there are so much painful memories here, but there are just more blissful memories that it's so hard to ignore
Funny 'coz more than nervous, I actually feel excited
excited because It's gonna be a new chapter for me
excited coz finally I'll be seeing my brothers after so many years, plus my niece and nephew pa! hehe
Sayang lang Dad isn' there anymore, but okay lang, nagsabot na mi. hehe

Just another manic monday

This would have been easier if I could hear your voice on the other line
My fear would certainly be eased for you'll tell me everything will be fine
I would find my way and won't be lost for you will tell me where to go and I wouldn't doubt
All of these would've been a dream come true if I know you'd be the one I'll first see
This would have been easier for between you and me
Love always overpowers all uncertainties.

Just one night I wish I'd dream of you
For one night I wish I'd be finally feel at home
Your physical warmth may have been absent for a long time
but it doesn't matter because you left me a warmth that lingers a lifetime

I believe you are looking down at me
Trying to pat my shoulder, trying to wipe these tears
I believe you know what I'm feeling even without me explaining
because between you and me
Love always overpowers all pains.

Daddy, I am scared and I know this is the last thing you want me to feel
I am now in a crossroad wherein whichever road I may take, still I know won't lead me to you
Daddy I am sorry, I know you want me to be strong
But how can this brave heart continue fighting, if her warrior left her all alone?

I was a foreigner for 1 minute

Just awhile ago I was at DCLA looking for a USB cable cord. I was hopping from one stall to another but apparently majority of the sales lady their didn't really know what I was talking about, until I spotted one stall manned by a korean lady. Assuming that she was the owner, it gave me a little hope that I'd be able to talk to someone who would actually know what I was talking about - finally. So I went up to her and our conversation went like this:


Me: Excuse me?

Me: Excuse me?

Me: Excuse?

Korean: ha?

Me: Do you have a Usb cable cord?

Korean: huh?!

thinking that maybe I spoke it too fast

Me: Do.... you... have... a.... usb.... cable... cord.....?

Korean: (giving me a cluless look)

Me: (sh*t I don't speak korean)

Me: Do.... you... have... a.... usb.... cable... cord.....?

Korean: uhm? pasensiya hindi ako nakakaintindi ng english, tagalog lang po...

Me: .......................... (nahilom intawon ko.)