Monday, December 8, 2008

Mending a little bit sooner

I'm letting you go not because I have come to love you less or lost my care for you, but because you never gave me the reason to stay. Sometimes you make me feel that I should just stick around, while sometimes you make me feel like I'm just another ordinary woman to you. If you think that this is easy for me, then perhaps that is how insensitive you can get. I may seem okay and happy when you see me around, but that is just because a happy face is the only shield left for my protection. I used to think that this was just a guessing game, until I realized that maybe this was only unclear at my end. That maybe all these times, what we have is really clear to you - that I am just that woman whom you used to fall in love with a long time ago. I am missing you terribly and I am trying to be stronger each day because I know finally letting this go is the right thing to do. All my life I have always followed my heart, unmindful of whatever hurt it might cause me. But, all of it has failed. And this time might be the time to give my brain a chance to rule my decisions, hoping that this brain of mine would know my way to happiness. Every day I wonder where you are, what you might be doing, and who you are with. And, the thought of you being with another woman stabs me like a knife. Honestly, if you really are with another woman, I'd rather not know. I just hope that in the 24 hours of your day, even just a second of that you spend thinking about me or wondering where I could be. I might be in this limbo for a while or not, but I'm sure time heals all wounds. At least now every day does not seem day one anymore. Every day is growing with me knowing that I am finally letting you go. If one day you'll realize that it was a mistake letting me go and if one day you'll realize that you should've cared for me more, then I hope that heart of yours will find it's way back to me. However, if you continue to live each day getting used to not having me around anymore, then at least I have started mending my heart a little bit sooner.