falter moments

Occasional lover, lover friend, occasional happiness. Is it all worth it? How does one know if one thing is worth risking and if it is already worth stopping?

He is like my addiction, my kryptonite. He makes me both happy and sad, but being without him is just like doing my every day routine just for the heck of it. There are times when I just wanna let go, but at the end of the day, finds myself too weak to do it. Sometimes I'm beginning to think that life and love is really like this, that it is a cycle of happiness and sadness. Sometimes I'm beginning to think that not every one is lucky enough to find that one right person to love, and sometimes I'm beginning to think that I am one of those people.

Should I just settle to this kind of happiness? is really living one day at a time the right thing to do? I am scared, very scared. If only I know what's in his heart, what's in his mind. But then again, if i do, what if it's something I really shouldn't just know about?

This heart of mine needs some seminar, or a Love 101 class if there's such a thing. I wish I was just this cold-hearted person, who can switch all emotions any time I want to. I know he is just there and I also know that he can leave any time he wants to and I can't do anything about it. Are men really more of a good actors than women?