Friday, January 23, 2009

Tanya does slap hard!

Go away... Go away and please just go away!

When will I ever have the strength to resist you? I think you are happy with her and yes it does gives me that painful feeling inside. I wanna say that I'm happy for you, but how can I claim that when I'm still hurting. Tanya is right. Ignoring and resisting you comes from the head, from my head damnit! You even tell me that you did not do me any wrong. Can you be more any heartless?! I remember praying to God that if someone "not for me" comes along, He shouldn't just give him to me. And maybe that's why I did not have you. I should remember every prayer that I say. You claim that you love her, but does she know you come to me every time you have a fight with her? Does she know that sometimes you come to me after you send her home? I don't know if that is still love, but for sure, that does not fit my definition. I should think beyond the pain. I should rationalize things better. If it became US, I'm sure you would do the same thing to me too and God just loves me so much to spare me from that. Now, I don't have the urge to keep in touch with you anymore. My next struggle is to completely ignore you when you come looking for me. I pray that you'd realize everything that you have done. I got so stuck with the good person you were before that I got blinded on how much you have suddenly become a monster.