Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding

When dad went home, I bought this journal. For me, this was the only tangible thing I could think of to still feel close to him. Every day, I would talk to him through this until I actually had a dream of dad complaining! (yeah, my dad can be humorous. hehe).

Just last night, while I was looking at some of my old stuffs, I came across my journal and just had the urge to open it again. I started reading my notes and it really felt good. Uhm, yeah it made me miss dad even more, but something better came about - my journal always reminds me how powerful prayers can be.

Speaking of prayers, I just wanted to share some of my top 3
answered prayers:

1. Teach me to be patient = He made me wait for more than a year, and I am still waiting, and will continue to make me wait until I finally learn to be patient.

2. If someone came along and he's not the one God wa
nts for me, then better not having him at all = I really never had him again.

3. If He wants me to stay in Pinas, then I'd be able to stay in my job longer. But, if it's His plan that I'd go to the states, then He'd give me a very good reas
on to quit = it has been more than 2 weeks since I quit my job.

I did not realize all of these overnight. It caused me countless of sleepless nights,never ending confused moments and a reunion with my journal before I finally absorbed all these. It was a miracle that somehow, while I was writing on my journal again, these thoughts just came my mind. It was like a light-bulb moment. At first I thought that my life was unplanned for the very first time. But, the truth was, my life actually is very much well p
lanned and that every thing is falling into place - not by me this time though, but by Him. It is clear that He and my dad wants me to go to the states: I have the most valid reason to quit my job (details I'm not discussing), and I didn't have him back; and He knows that these two are the reasons that would keep me holding on to Davao. He needed to take these two away from me, as so I could finally push through on what he thinks is best for me. And, He has always been like that to me. He knows how hard-headed I can be - I always go for what I want even though I don't really need it, and that is why since He knows I can't stay away from them, they are instead the ones who stays away from me.

My friends would sometimes ask me how come I don't seem affected by my leaving. Well, I am. The unknown is always scary, and being away from the peo
ple that matters to me always gives a heavy feeling. However, the trust I have for my decision-maker and for my guardian angel (daddy) makes it way easier for me to deal with this.

I don't wanna seem preachy. It's just that sometimes, I realized that I have become too blinded on what I just wanna see that I forgot to look at the bigger picture.